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When a cop pulls up beside you in the car, why does it make you feel guilty?
Even in the rare cases I haven't committed any traffic infractions in the last couple moments, there's always a twinge of doubt. Is he going to pull me over for looking at him? . . . not looking at him? Be calm. Just watch the light and wait for it to change. Don't accelerate too quickly or too slowly. Is it just me?
CLASSIC TELEVISION
Why on Earth are Scooby and Shaggy still afraid of monsters?
I'd guess they've seen several thousand of them unmasked only to be a criminal. Wouldn't it make more sense if they were wary of distant uncles, college professors and anyone who went by "Mr. . . "? Then of course we have the classic question of just what is a Scooby Snack? I suppose that answer might shed some light on their misplaced paranoid behavior.
WRITING IMPLEMENTS
When you really need a pen fast, why is it so hard to find one?
It seems like the availability of a writing implement is directly and inversely proportionate to the need for one. More importantly, when you do find one right after a car accident or equally cataclysmic event, why is it out of ink?
MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
Why do we blame the dog?
It's unfair, but it happens. There are two things we sometimes blame on the dog: unsavory fragrances of a bodily nature and any injury deemed too embarrassing to speak of. On the first front, it's a fairly obvious choice; the dog actually is responsible for some exceptionally pungent odors from time to time (that's gas for those of you struggling to keep up). The second isn't really fair though. Yes, I suspect it would be embarrassing to tell co-workers that your 90-pound wife gave you a black eye. Still I ask, when is the last time someone really tripped over a dog and got a black eye? Further I wonder, is this fair, blaming man's best friend on either of these things? Finally, how is this fair to the poor schmuck who does actually have the misfortune to trip over his dog and blacken his eye? There's no way anyone is going think his wife didn't hit him. Of course his other option is to claim he ran into a door. Running into inanimate objects isn't at all embarrassing.
YOU KNOW I'M GOOD FOR IT
Why do people sometimes convey the exact opposite of what they want to say?
You ever have someone borrow money then need more time than agreed upon to pay you back? Invariably they will tell you, "You know I'm good for it." Of course, you thought they were good for it when you made the loan. Any uncertainty which bloomed did so as the result of their attempt at reassurance. Unfortunately, this very statement is more of a confirmation that you should write off that debt than it is that payment will be forthcoming. Why don't they just blame it on the dog?
SMART KIDS
How come no one needs to teach kids how to be a smart aleck?
Take your typical three-year-old boy and he's going to find the things that flip your switch. In the case of my son one of them is literally flipping the light switch on and off. He finds this most amusing if it's the light that I'm using to read a book. The more you tell them no, the more they do it. Easy enough to write this off as basic obstinate behavior, but if I tell him, "Please go play with the light switch," he still does it. How does he know it annoys me?
One could blame it on boys being trouble makers, but my niece was just as clever. Many years ago, before she could even talk, she was wandering around Grandma and Grandpa's house. In her little hands she had a pouch of fruit snacks (sharks if I recall). Poppy, as she calls Grandpa to this day, asked if he could have one of her snacks. She toddled over to his chair with a huge grin on her face. When he reached for the bag, she ran away laughing. I asked her if I could have one fully expecting that she would tease and deny me as well. Instead she proffered the pouch and allowed me one of her prized snack morsels. To punctuate her comedic genius, she then bait and switched Poppy once more. She twirled away laughing as he grasped for air once more. We all roared in laughter.
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