Six impossibly unimportant questions of life

GUILTY CONSCIENCE
When a cop pulls up beside you in the car, why does it make you feel guilty?

Even in the rare cases I haven't committed any traffic infractions in the last couple moments, there's always a twinge of doubt. Is he going to pull me over for looking at him? . . . not looking at him? Be calm. Just watch the light and wait for it to change. Don't accelerate too quickly or too slowly. Is it just me?

CLASSIC TELEVISION
Why on Earth are Scooby and Shaggy still afraid of monsters? 

I'd guess they've seen several thousand of them unmasked only to be a criminal. Wouldn't it make more sense if they were wary of distant uncles, college professors and anyone who went by "Mr. . . "? Then of course we have the classic question of just what is a Scooby Snack? I suppose that answer might shed some light on their misplaced paranoid behavior.

WRITING IMPLEMENTS
When you really need a pen fast, why is it so hard to find one?
It seems like the availability of a writing implement is directly and inversely proportionate to the need for one. More importantly, when you do find one right after a car accident or equally cataclysmic event, why is it out of ink?

MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
Why do we blame the dog? 

It's unfair, but it happens. There are two things we sometimes blame on the dog: unsavory fragrances of a bodily nature and any injury deemed too embarrassing to speak of. On the first front, it's a fairly obvious choice; the dog actually is responsible for some exceptionally pungent odors from time to time (that's gas for those of you struggling to keep up). The second isn't really fair though. Yes, I suspect it would be embarrassing to tell co-workers that your 90-pound wife gave you a black eye. Still I ask, when is the last time someone really tripped over a dog and got a black eye? Further I wonder, is this fair, blaming man's best friend on either of these things? Finally, how is this fair to the poor schmuck who does actually have the misfortune to trip over his dog and blacken his eye? There's no way anyone is going think his wife didn't hit him. Of course his other option is to claim he ran into a door. Running into inanimate objects isn't at all embarrassing.

YOU KNOW I'M GOOD FOR IT
Why do people sometimes convey the exact opposite of what they want to say? 
You ever have someone borrow money then need more time than agreed upon to pay you back? Invariably they will tell you, "You know I'm good for it." Of course, you thought they were good for it when you made the loan. Any uncertainty which bloomed did so as the result of their attempt at reassurance. Unfortunately, this very statement is more of a confirmation that you should write off that debt than it is that payment will be forthcoming. Why don't they just blame it on the dog?

SMART KIDS
How come no one needs to teach kids how to be a smart aleck?
Take your typical three-year-old boy and he's going to find the things that flip your switch. In the case of my son one of them is literally flipping the light switch on and off. He finds this most amusing if it's the light that I'm using to read a book. The more you tell them no, the more they do it. Easy enough to write this off as basic obstinate behavior, but if I tell him, "Please go play with the light switch," he still does it. How does he know it annoys me?

One could blame it on boys being trouble makers, but my niece was just as clever. Many years ago, before she could even talk, she was wandering around Grandma and Grandpa's house. In her little hands she had a pouch of fruit snacks (sharks if I recall). Poppy, as she calls Grandpa to this day, asked if he could have one of her snacks. She toddled over to his chair with a huge grin on her face. When he reached for the bag, she ran away laughing. I asked her if I could have one fully expecting that she would tease and deny me as well. Instead she proffered the pouch and allowed me one of her prized snack morsels. To punctuate her comedic genius, she then bait and switched Poppy once more. She twirled away laughing as he grasped for air once more. We all roared in laughter.

How do YOU react to Adversity? I say bring it on! . . . eh, not really

     When I started writing Speaking of Life, Death, and Hockey . . . I planned to write something fun and light. My goal going into the novel was to poke a little fun at some of the dumber things that happen in hockey—to write a comedic novel to which people could relate, chuckle along and enjoy with the emotional commitment of watching a sitcom. Having only a vague idea of how the novel would flesh out, I wrote a few chapters which I thought set up a pretty funny story. Then I sat on those chapters for the better part of three years trying to figure out exactly how my main character, Rory would end up overcoming the obstacles I planned to throw in his path.

     Eventually, with the inspiration of a couple dear friends, I managed to help Rory find his way. While the book is still very funny (so I’ve been told anyway), it definitely took some serious turns. The adversity that Rory faces in the book ended up being much deeper than I initially envisioned. Really, that’s what the book ultimately ended up being about—lots of adversity and how Rory dealt with it. Although this twist surprised me even while writing the book, I’m sure it turned out to be a much better story than the one I initially set out to write.

     Adversity is something all of us have to face from time to time. For instance, I literally just logged onto my bank account (I kid you not, before I even finished typing that last line) to find someone had used my debit card in Mason, Ohio to buy $350 worth of something or another at Bloomingdales. To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never been to Mason, Ohio or ever shopped at Bloomingdales in my life. This is awfully inconvenient and a little annoying. I wish people would spend their own money or at least ask nicely before spending mine.

     These are the types of curve balls that life tosses at us once in a while. Fortunately a stolen debit card number is pretty low on the adversity scale. Yeah, it’s annoying, but if I stuck it on a list of things such as major illness, death of a loved one, job loss, divorce . . . well it would look pretty dumb in comparison, wouldn’t it? I guess that’s what brings me to the point (assuming there is one here). I find it interesting the different ways we react to adversity. Why? Because it’s the trials of life and how we handle them that give us the opportunity to develop our character for better or worse. To that end I decided to take a little look at some of the ways people react. We probably all know these people (in fact if we’re honest, we’ve probably have had most of these reactions ourselves):

Nonchalant – You can look at this one a couple of ways. The Nonchalant is possibly pure optimist or pure pessimist. The optimist thinks, Big deal, someone stole my credit card number, the bank will fix it though. I’m not liable for the money and even if I was, I will make more money tomorrow. The pessimist thinks, My bank account will be emptied, my credit ruined and I’ll lose everything I own, my spouse will leave me, the dog won’t love me anymore . . . but this was inevitable and the world will end in a week anyway, so why worry?

Victim – Nothing is ever their fault. Even though they continuously step in bear traps, eyes wide open, they blame someone else for thoughtlessly putting the traps there. Instead of taking responsibility for where they’ve walked, they complain, Why doesn’t the bank protect my money from thieving morons? Later they post a picture of their new card on their facebook page a then wonder why bad things keep happening to them.

Avenger – Much like the Victim, the Avenger blames someone else. However, the Avenger finds complaining about the situation futile. The Avenger seeks payback. The problem here is that since they don’t always know who to blame, the vengeance is often heaped upon someone completely undeserving of their wrath, I think Kevin used to work in a bank! I’m going to go punch Kevin in the head. This of course leaves poor Kevin completely confused (especially since he didn’t actually ever work in a bank) . . . which creates adversity for him. Sharing isn’t always nice.

Paranoid Conspiracy Theorist – Apparently not everyone finds life difficult enough. This person finds adversity where there isn’t any. I should have never handed my waiter the debit card. I knew he’d try to steal my identity as soon as I saw he had a goatee. No doubt he has my birth certificate by now. He might have my address too . . . there are probably people burglarizing my house!

Defeatist – When life piles up, they shut down. Why bother? Life is too cruel. I’m going to sit on the couch and watch television all day. Mild case—empties the DVR. Moderate case—watches Seinfeld and Friends reruns. Severe case—watches Judge Judy and Jerry Springer.

Fixer – Hard work and perseverance can fix anything. I’m getting on the phone, calling Bloomingdales, the bank, the Mason Police Department, Ralph Nader, and the FBI. There’s nothing wrong with either of these traits. They’re both important and it’s great to have a positive attitude. Unfortunately not every situation is within our control. The death of a loved one, illness, irreconcilable relationships and other major life changes often cannot be repaired no matter how hard we try.

     Depending on the severity of the tests we face, there might be different ways of dealing with them. It might be a process that takes you through several of the approaches above. You might have a number of your own which I didn’t list. I spent the last summer with what seemed like a landslide coming down on me, finding out my son was autistic, realizing that my mother’s depression was far worse than I knew, losing a valued employee, dealing with business pressures, the cancellation of a very needed vacation and an important friendship ending in a rather unsavory fashion all hit me in a matter of a couple weeks. To be honest, I think I wore all of the masks that I outlined above at one time or another. How do you react to crisis in your life? One thing that I’d never recommend is going through tough situations alone. Who do you turn to for strength, council a shoulder to cry on?

     Adversity isn’t entirely a bad thing. I have a friend who told me he prayed his life would always be an uphill walk with a slight breeze in his face. His point was that without challenges we don’t grow. While I would have rather skipped the emotional pain of this summer, I know there was growth in the experience for me. I found that some of my priorities were reset, and reset in a good way. God never promised us that life would be easy, but He did promise us that if we counted on Him, he’d never give us more than we could handle.

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

2 Corinthians 1:5

For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

Psalm 46:1 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Isaiah 41:10 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.